A little reflection is in order before moving on to 2019. As always, there has been change–not even such unpleasant change, although that’s in there too.
2018 was learning how to let go of things I didn’t know needed to be let go.
Becoming an empty nester was not so much a loss as it was a realization that life goes faster than you think it will and all the time and opportunity you think you will have once “fill-in-the-blank” happens doesn’t necessarily materialize.
Cooking for two is not as satisfying as cooking for more. Yet, I have spent more time than I would have imagined on the phone with my children–because when they call I will always answer and put everything aside to hear what they want to say. They are so damn interesting.
A long term friendship ended in 2018. And that’s both sad and freeing.
A man I knew when he was a vital college and professional athlete is battling a progressive neurodegenerative disease with a sad long term prognosis.
A college boyfriend died too young. While he didn’t factor into my life for almost 30 years, his loss feels painfully current. It is now only I who will hold the memory of that time.
A treasured mentor is no longer available. His progression of Alzheimer’s makes him unreachable.
Not all holidays will each family member be in attendance and not all flights with loved ones aboard will land safely with a text message to me.
I have let expectations go in some of my relationships and upped them in others.
In 2008 I read Nora Ephron’s book, I Feel Bad About My Neck and Other Thoughts About Being A Woman and I now know a bit better what she meant. I recommend it.
I look forward to 2019, to learn to be a better me without some of the distractions I have had in the past. And to prioritize new ones that bring me joy.